Mornings here are slow, slower than ever before. I get up early, always before 6AM. This is so I can make coffee, curl up under the covers, read or watch something before any farm chores or work for the day begins. I light a candle, the only light I want that early. There is something so magical about a day starting with strong coffee and soft flickering light. In a few hours the entire farm will be sated, chores done and house tidied up. There will be a to-do list, emails, goals, small wins and big anxieties. I haven't made a sale in days, which is harder and harder to do with this economy and groceries costing more than ever before. If you don't have to worry about catching up on last month's bills, or already know you'll have the money for next month's - I hope you are grateful for it. It's something I work hard towards every day. That said, it's an expensive choice, being that secure. What it saves you in digitiny it costs in other ways. Nothing in life is easy, and for everyone that knows their house is safe from foreclosure and has a passport full of stamps - they probably aren't waking up in a quiet darkness, excited for a slow walk in a spring woods with a hot mug of coffee, no need to put on uncomfortable clothing and sit in an office all day. This used to be something I prided myself on, my choice to go feral and scrape together a living every month. Now I realize it isn't a point of pride, it was wiring cut in an emergency. We make the choices we need to make to get by. I needed this. This life, these animals, this farm, and I knew what the costs would be. It has cost me so much.
I heard from three people glad I was writing here again. One sent a kind email, another me a lovely care package via the bookstore (thank you, but please don't ship to the bookstore, they don't prefer it) and one person even sent me some PayPal money as an encouragement to keep writing. (I used it to buy sweet feed for the hoof stock.)
I'm still not sure continuing to write here is a good idea.